So Wrong, Yet So Right
by SamQuiller
Summary: This was wrong. So very, very wrong. Yet, at the same time, it felt so right. But even as he succumbed, surrendered to the inevitable pull of it, he could not help but feel a small tinge of guilt. AU Caskett. Oneshot. Rated M.


_Hi, I'm Samantha. I only got into Castle during season 5, so I'm relatively new to the fandom. I help out with maintaining CFPromoter on Twitter and tumblr, and LordofKavaka has been encouraging me to write, so when I saw this prompt on tumblr, I thought why not. This is my first fanfic, so I hope you guys like it._

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><p><strong>So Wrong, Yet So Right<strong>

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><p><strong>based off a prompt on tumblr: <strong>Kate is Alexis' 18/19 year old college roommate/classmate and after being around at the loft a few times she and Rick make a connection. Either love or lust, you decide.

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><p>This was wrong. So very, very wrong. Yet, at the same time, it felt so right. Never—not even with Kyra—had being with someone felt this real and right. The raw rightness of it was almost overwhelming. But even as he succumbed, surrendered to the inevitable pull of it, he could not help but feel a small tinge of guilt. Because it may seem gloriously right to them, in the bubble of his bedroom, but the rest of the world—and especially his daughter—would most likely disagree, not understanding the connection they shared.<p>

It all started with a look and a hug.

He had been helping his daughter move into her dorm room at Stanford. He'd just brought up two boxes from the car and was about to head down to get some more, when a tall, leggy brunette dressed in a black leather jacket over a white t-shirt and tight raggy jeans appeared in the doorway. She had gorgeous hazel eyes and she'd made no secret that she was checking him out as she entered the room, dumping her lone bag on the second bed.

"Hi," she'd said, dragging her eyes away from him and turning to Alexis. "I'm Kate Beckett. Guess we're roommates."

The two girls hit if off, laughing and joking around as they unpacked. Kate didn't have much, just her one bag, so she helped them with Alexis's stuff. Every now and then, though, Castle would catch Kate glancing at him with heated eyes. She'd even flashed him a salacious wink after he'd caught her staring at his ass. He'd almost dropped the heavy box of books he'd been carrying. Thankfully he had been able to recover his surprise without alerting Alexis to anything.

When they had finish unpacking, he'd offered to take the two girls out to dinner. He'd almost regretted the decision when he became sandwiched between the two girls at a sushi bar. At one point during dinner, Kate had slipped her hand beneath the counter and had squeezed his thigh, flashing him a quick suggestive look. He'd nearly dropped his sashimi. Thankfully, Alexis was completely unaware of what had just happened, and kept chattering away about the classes she'd signed up for.

Afterwards, returning them to the dorm, Castle had given his little girl a fierce goodbye hug, still not ready to have her leave the nest. She'd grown up so fast. But before he could depart, Kate surprised him by giving him a hug as well. His breath caught as her slender form pressed enticingly against his broad frame, her arms snaking around his torso and the scent of cherries invading his senses.

He worked hard at stifling the burst of sudden arousal that immediately began to course through his veins. He hadn't been with anyone since his ill-fated second romance with Gina, which had been nearly two years ago. He had been devoting most of his time and energy to his daughter, keenly aware she was growing up and not wanting to miss a moment of it. But now as Kate's body seemed to meld with his, he felt the stirrings of something he couldn't quite name, something more than just arousal.

"It was nice meeting you, Mr. Castle," she said as she pulled away, but then added, in a low husky voice as she pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek—lingering for longer than was probably appropriate—that sent a spark of heat straight to his groin, "Until next time."

He'd gulped, utterly stupefied by the girl's suggestiveness. She had flashed him another flirtatious wink as she pulled all the way back. Before he could make a complete fool of himself, he had turned to Alexis and gave her one more hug before he got himself the hell out of there.

If only that had been the extent of it.

Alexis had invited Kate over for Thanksgiving, and Castle couldn't help but feel anxious whenever Kate and him were alone in a room for more than ten minutes. She'd openly flirt with him, even in front of Alexis, who seemed blissfully oblivious to what was happening. He wondered if perhaps he'd been too sheltering of his daughter if she wasn't picking up on what was going on.

He was uncertain how to act, but not wanting to burst her little girl's bubble of innocence—desperately wanting her to retain it for as long as possible, he tried to cover it up by playing the cool dad, letting the girls take over the loft during their Thanksgiving break. Kate had just turned 19 earlier that month, and she made no secret of that fact she noticed there was no Mrs. Castle by prancing around in her short PJ bottoms and a tank top, tempting him with her model-like figure and youthful, firm… assets. It was almost like she was doing it on purpose, trying to rile him up… daring him to say something.

Thankfully Alexis remained unaware of sexual tension between him and her college roommate.

He was confused over his feelings toward Kate. There was definitely lust and desire there, primal sexuality, which he could understand. Kate Beckett was gorgeous, a stunning beauty that could tempt any man. And he'd been so lonely. It had been far too long since he'd been with a woman. He had spent too many nights satisfying himself. But there was something else there. When he wasn't drowning in anxiety and worry about crossing some forbidden line, he found himself enjoying her company, and irrationally missing her when she was gone. It was stupid and silly. He was a grown man, old enough to be her father, yet he couldn't help but be attracted to her. And it didn't help that Kate seemed receptive to such feelings.

Nothing happened that Thanksgiving break, but before the girls left to catch their flight back to California, Kate had hugged him one again, her lithe body melding perfectly with his. "Maybe next time, huh?" she'd murmured into his ear, brushing another one of those lingering kisses to his cheek, before darting off to finish packing.

It was during Winter Break that they crossed a line they probably shouldn't have.

She'd come to stay with them again, taking up residence in the upstairs guestroom next to Alexis's room for the duration. One day, he'd gotten up earlier than normal one morning, and was pouring himself a cup of coffee when Kate came prancing down the stairs in a loose tank top and cute little PJ shorts. She flashed him a brilliant smile and accepted a cup of coffee.

"Just curious, Kate, but why aren't you spending the holidays with your family?" he'd asked, the thought had been niggling at him for a while. "I'm sure your parents miss you."

Kate had dropped her head, averting her eyes as she'd cradled the warm mug in her hands. "No. It's just me," she answered in a small voice. "My parents were killed in a traffic accident when I was a freshman in High School. It was during Winter Break. We were driving up to our family cabin when a semi broadsided us, sent us rolling off the road and down a ravine. I… I… um… The doctors said it was miracle that I survived. But my parents… they… they…"  
>"Oh god, Kate… I didn't know. I'm so sorry," he put his cup down, and moved around the kitchen island counter to wrap her up in a comforting hug. She turned into him, resting her head against his chest. He rubbed his hands up and down her back as she nestled further into him. And then it happened. She tilted her head up and pushed up on his toes, sealing her lips over his. He'd been too stunned to respond at first, stiffening in surprise.<p>

She'd dropped back down to her feet, her cheeks flushing an adorable shade of pink in embarrassment as she stepped away from him. "Oh god, Mr. Castle… I'm sorry… I… I didn't mean—"

"Shh," he shushed her, reaching up to tuck some loose strands of her luscious brunette strands behind her ear before dropping his hand down to caress her cheek. She closed her eyes and eased into his touch. "It's okay… I… I guess it was bound to happen, right?"

She bit her lower lip, and he had to suppress the need to pull her into another kiss, as their moment was interrupted by the arrival of his daughter, and Kate's best friend. Thankfully, Alexis had still been clearing the cobwebs from her eyes, so she hadn't noticed just how close her father and Kate had been standing.

Two days passed without further incident, or a repeat, and Castle began to wonder if it had just been a one-time thing. She'd just been emotional and seeking comfort, he told himself. It hadn't meant anything. And now things were slightly awkward between him and his daughter's 19 year-old roommate every time they found themselves alone in a room together. He kept averting his eyes when she'd look his way. He didn't know what to think. Thankfully Alexis remained oblivious to the undercurrent between them.

Castle was tossing and turning in bed one night, when he was startled from his muddled and confused thoughts by the padding of bare feet along the carpet. Sitting up, he found her standing beside the side of his bed in nothing but a maroon Stanford sweatshirt and black cotton panties.

"Kate?" he frowned in confusion.

She didn't say anything. She just reached down and pulled off her sweatshirt to reveal nothing but glorious skin beneath. His eyes widened as she tugged her panties down her gorgeous long legs, and before he could protest, Kate was crawling up onto the bed and straddling him. She gripped his face in her hands and kissed him hard, her eyes dark and needy.

"Please," she keened, tugging desperately at his shirt. "I… I need you, Mr. Castle. Please… make love to me."

And he did. He spun her round, lying her gently down onto her back, and took his time to explore her young nubile body, basking in how she writhed and squirmed under his touch. She moaned and groaned, begging him again and again to make love to her. He quickly discarded his nightshirt and boxers.

Kate arched her neck to glance down and her eyes darkened with need when she saw his erection bouncing free. Castle caressed her flat stomach, and smoothed his hand up to cup her breast as he bent over to kiss her, easily settling between her parted legs. Kate arched up into him, mewling softly as she reached between them, grabbing him with her delicate fingers and running his tip along her moist folds, before positioning him at her entrance. He brushed her hair back from her face and kissed her again before he gently pushed forward.

It wasn't until he was half buried inside her tight heat that he discovered she was—or rather had been—a virgin. He'd originally just passed off the tight resistance to his intrusion as result of her youth and his size, but when he'd glanced down at their connection and saw the red smearing his length, he knew he'd been wrong. He thought his surprise was understandable. From Kate's behavior when he first met her and during the Thanksgiving break, Castle had assumed she'd been around a few times. Not that he thought she was slutty, just… experienced. Definitely more experienced than Alexis—at least he liked to think so. He gently pulled himself out, glancing up at her with confusion. Kate frowned, arching her neck to glance down at where they'd been connected.

"Why'd you stop!?" she panted, her voice thick with lust.

"I… Oh god, Kate… I'm sorry. I didn't know you were a—"

"Does it really matter?" she groaned, squirming her hips up, searching for him. "Please, Mr. Castle… please. Don't stop. Please. Please." She continued to beg him not to stop. So he didn't.

Despite the conflicting war raging inside him, Castle was already far too gone to stop. And she _was_ giving him permission, asking him to make love to her. She was so breathtakingly beautiful that he couldn't say no. No man could deny her. He cupped her face, pressing a tender kiss to her lips, which she returned eagerly. He positioned himself again and this time, now aware of her inexperience, slowly eased his length inside her until he was buried to the hilt. They groaned in unison, sharing the moment, they're eyes locked. He brushed his hand up and down her side, lazily kissing her, and then he did as she had asked him. He didn't fuck her, like some frat boy would have. He gave her what she wanted, what she had asked him for. He made love to her. He made love to his daughter's 19-year-old college roommate.

Later that night, as they lay panting in the afterglow of their third round, Castle found himself swamped with a crushing shame. He knew Kate had been in an emotional place with it being the anniversary of her parents' death. The guilt consumed him. He was a terrible man. He'd just taken advantage of a trusting and naïve 19 year old coed, who'd probably saw him more as a father figure than a lover, and now he had taken something special away from her, something he shouldn't have taken.

"Kate…" he gasped out a breath, trying to give voice to his shame, but she stopped him before he could. She shushed him with an adoring look and a tender caress of her hand down the side of his face as she pressed a sweet kiss to his lips.

"Don't," she asserted, voice firm, leaving no room for argument. "You did nothing I didn't ask. You didn't take advantage of me or steal my virtue from me. And besides… I… I think I might love you."

"But… I'm old enough to be your father," he protested meekly.

"I don't care," she gave him a little glare, turning onto her side to face him, and nudged her thigh between his legs as she snuggled closer, pressing her slick naked form against his. "Despite what you may think, I'm not some naïve coed. I know exactly what it is that I've done and how I feel, and I'll accept the consequences for my choices and actions." She shifted, tilting her head up to look at him. "What about you, Mr. Castle? I'm pretty sure you didn't _fuck_ me. Definitely not because you were lonely and horny. I may not be that experienced, but I don't think fucking would be that slow or tender. Though, we were both pretty energetic those second two times," she blushed adorably. "It was fun. And oh… so good. I've never felt so good in my entire life." She bit her lower lip seductively. "I'd really like to do it again. Especially that part where you—"

"Me too," he agreed before he could stop himself.

She stifled a laugh against his chest, pressing a kiss to the spot just above his heart. "I may have been a virgin, Mr. Castle, but I'm no innocent, you know. I went out with this grunge rocker guy during senior year. We skipped prom and went to his place and fooled around instead. He went down on me, but… I don't know," she furrowed her brow adorably, "I don't think he knew what he was really doing. I guess he felt obligated to do it since I'd given him a blowjob." She glanced at Castle with an almost shy expression, her cheeks stained a rosy pink. "After that I guess I didn't really feel like I should go all the way with him. I tried placating him with blowjobs, but when he figured out that was as far as I'd go, he dumped me."

"Well, you never have to do anything you don't want to, Kate. I certainly won't force you to," Castle squeezed her side and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, letting his fingers stroke up and down her bare back. "Um… do you—?"

"No," she shook her head, looking into his eyes so he knew she was telling the truth. "No regrets, Mr. Castle. I'm glad you were my first. If I'd jumped into bed with one of the boys at school, he'd just fuck me. What you gave me tonight wasn't that. No. You were far too gentle and tender for it to be that."

He swallowed thickly, and heaved in a deep breath. "You're right, Kate. It was more than just sex," he agreed, skimming his fingers through her beautiful hair. "And I'm not ashamed to admit that it has been a while for me. So I'm glad you liked it." She smiled at that, smoothing her hand down his chest. "And I… I like you, Kate. A lot."

"But?"

"I'm not quite there yet," he said, fibbing a little. Castle had a strong sense of what his feelings for Kate were, but with their situation, it just was difficult to admit it. She stiffened in his arms. "Hey, hey," he soothed. "I said _yet_."

"Yet?" she echoed, gazing up at him, large hazel eyes filling with hope.

"I'm still wrapping my head around all this," Castle tried to explain. "But I can already tell this is different. And It's damn confusing. I… I guess I'm just conflicted. I mean, you're my daughter's college roommate. This should feel wrong—so wrong, but it doesn't. I can't deny that I feel a connection with you that I've never felt before."

"Me too," she said, smothering her smile in the crook of his neck. "I've had crushes before, and have even really liked some boys… _a lot_… but the moment we met—I don't know, I guess I just knew it was different with you. And I don't care about our age difference or what other people might say, because I know what I feel, and it's not just some schoolgirl crush or lust. It's real. I love you, Mr. Castle. I do. And I'm not just saying that because you are my first. It's how I truly feel. I may be a flirt, but I've never really acted on it… until now."

He chuckled slightly, and shook his head. "Alright, I believe you," he smoothed his hand down her back to reassure her. She had gotten quite defensive there. It was kind of cute. He wondered momentarily if she'd have that same fire and passion in her when Alexis found out about them. He was already worrying about that, but he decided to table the concern for another time. Right now, this was about him and Kate. "But if we're going to do this—"

"Date… you're going to date me? Really!?" she asked, a beaming smile spread across her face, so hopefully and excited.

"Yes, I am… kind of," he pursed his lips, smiling down at her, couldn't help but revel in her excitement. He was sure he'd get a lot of flak from other people, would most definitely be called some terrible names in the gossip papers, and it might even put a strain on his relationship with Alexis, but if this thing between him and Kate was as real as he thought it was, he had to give it a try, despite all the complications it might cause him. He'd spent too much of his life believing that love was just a fairy tale. "It definitely won't be your normal courtship, but… we'll find a way to make it work."

"Good," she sighed in what sounded like relief. Kate nuzzled her nose against his, closing her eyes and humming softly as she kissed him. When she pulled back, she gazed at him with a knowing look. "I want you to know that I understand it'll be hard for you at times, and not just with Alexis. I'll try and smooth things over with her. She might never understand, but I hope she'll at least try. And I know there'll be people calling you things—bad things—but don't listen to them, okay? Don't worry about those disapproving looks or what others might say or think."

"I'll try," he vowed, swallowing hard, already knowing it was going to be difficult if they truly went ahead with this relationship outside of the bubble of his bedroom. He ran a hand along her side, mesmerized by her natural glow, finding some comfort in her closeness. "But, before we continue, I have one favor to ask." There might be a few other things in the future, but for now he needed to get this one first.

"What's that, Mr. Castle?" she purred, teasing him with soft wet kisses along his jawline.

"When it's just us, like this… call me Rick," he huffed out, her kisses almost distracting him. He could already feel his arousal grow, and evidently, by the playful grin on her lips, so did Kate.

"Okay, _Rick_," she laughed lightly as she clicked her tongue on the K. "Now why don't we stop talking, and you can make love to me again."

He smiled back at her, claiming her mouth in a deep kiss before he spun her over onto her back. She giggled, her entire face lighting up with joy as he tickled her with kisses down the column of her neck and down between her perfect breasts. Castle had no idea how things would turn out for them after tonight, but for now he was determined to focus on loving this beautiful young woman lying beneath him, returning his kisses and moaning his name.

He'd worry about the consequences in the morning.

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><p><em>Thoughts? I'd really like to know what you thought of my first attempt at fanfic.<br>_


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